How can I regulate my extreme sense of alienation,
witnessing unfiltered sobs of my mother’s demise,
can we bridge our mutual privation?
Overwhelmed, I barely flinched, my eyes drained dry
my energy spent, of course, next day, I smiled ‘Hi’.
I resumed my stylised plight breath after breath,
sliding from shame to self-blame, crevices melded into
rupturing nightmares, night after night.
Deftly I trafficked dreams in analytic forays, to-and-fro
in search of elusive meaning to counter my disorienting
v e r t i g o
Below our armour-plated self-deceptions, immortality
crumbled, her impending passing exposed layered
vulnerability, I tumble.
Finally something beyond reason opened a secret vault,
I was plunged into silent rage.
I emerged to repurpose my shattered self – re-formed from
fragments long before self esteem formed.
I breathed into my body
I breathed into my breath
I inhaled breath
I exhaled death
Off-beat I improvised to reconcile new cycles
the ebb and flow of recycled life with afterlife
(image © Rodney Humphrey)